Tip of the Month for May 2004 - First Impressions

mym

Tip of the Month for May 2004
First Impressions

Are we what we appear to be?

Spring is finally here. Even in the cooler parts of the country, temperatures of 55 degrees puts us outside at the local café, or sends us to the other part of our closet bringing out our lighter, more vibrant fabrics.

You might be wondering what spring fever has to do with an etiquette tip. In fact my tendency to wander off the subject may be a symptom of the season. That’s my point. All of us tend to lose our focus during this time of year. Winter lends itself to hunkering down at our desks. We wake up when it’s dark, and we return home when it’s dark. With more sunlight and buds popping we find ourselves resurfacing, expressing ourselves with a more colorful flair.

This month’s tip is a reminder of the importance of first impressions. It makes no difference whether your career allows you to wear jeans or a business suits, first impressions are made each time you come into the presence of others. When someone meets you for the first time they will make up to eleven assumptions about your personal and professional life. First impressions go beyond face to face. You might meet people by phone, fax and internet. In every one of these encounters, you are forming opinions about others and others are forming opinions about you.

First impressions:

55% of first impressions are based on overall appearance.

38% of first impressions are based on body language.

7% of first impressions are based on what we say and how we say it.

Did you happen to notice 93 percent of our first impressions are nonverbal?

Within the first ten seconds of meeting someone, people decide if this person is likable, approachable and reflects a positive self-esteem. Is it fair that we make such assumptions in such a short amount of time? We can’t help it. Our perception is our reality and as hard as we try to not draw conclusions, they are already forming in our minds.

Let me make one point clear. This does not mean we need to rush out to buy designer clothing or have an extreme makeover. Positive appearance has little to do with the level of attractiveness. Clean body, faultless clothing maintenance, plus appropriate wardrobe and accessory choices reflect your personal style as well as your company’s image and environment.

I made a mistake a few months ago while meeting a potential client. I picked up one of my suits at the cleaners and never inspected the condition before putting it on and heading out the door. This became apparent to me later in the day when a friend noticed a string dangling from the cuffs of my business jacket. I gasped. How could this happen, I had just picked this suit up from the cleaners? Unfortunately my buttons had disappeared in the cleaning process, leaving only the strings dangling in the wind. I wanted the earth to open up and let me fall inside. I gasped at the thought of me sitting across from this client for an hour, with strings dangling. I was mortified. After all, I’m the expert. I train professionals to carry an image that is positive and professional. I learned a valuable lesson that day. Never leave home without thoroughly checking your appearance head to toe.

Here is an example of the check list we all should make. This does not include specific styles of dress, seasonal color palettes, or isolated fashion trends. Answers to those questions would best come from your company’s human resources director or the dress code in your employee handbook. A good rule of thumb is: Dress at least as well as those you are meeting with. Remember, these are your clients and customers. If they choose to dress in more traditional business attire or happen to work in a more formal business environment, your appearance should be the same.

Shoes: Shoes should be polished. Yes, ladies that includes you. Make sure they match the style of your clothing. Do they need to be replaced?

Accessories: Generally speaking a professional look includes one pair of earrings for ladies, not two or three. In most business cases, no earrings for men. Any accessory that makes noise is a distraction. Save your big dressy pieces for social events or Halloween. A good rule of thumb, if you are fussing with your accessory or it needs fixing and rearranging every time you sit or stand, skip it.

Tattoos are often considered a colorful accessory and should be concealed during working hours.

Clothing maintenance: Remember my dangling strings? Maintenance is taking care of those broken zippers, drooping hems, spots, and wrinkles. Don’t put an article of clothing that is need of repair back in your closet. Unless you have a genie that makes such alterations while you are asleep, your clothing will come out of your closet the same as it went in – needing repair.

Invest in the best you can afford: You don’t have to take out a second mortgage to buy an entirely new wardrobe. This simply means buy what you can afford and keep it in impeccable working order.

Personal grooming: Your hair should be neatly styled and updated. Leave the sculptured creations for social time. Men should be freshly shaved and have all facial hair trimmed.

I recently read “Essential Manners for Men” by Peter Post, Emily’s grandson. In his book he talks about etiquette for men in all arenas, social and business. At the end of each chapter he uses a survey of what women think about a particular subject. According to Mr. Post’s survey, woman think clean hair and nails are sexy. If you really wish to make a good impression Mr. Post encourages men to trim ear and nose hair.

Women, be careful of the amount of makeup. Keep the glittery eye makeup for evening social events. Nail polish should also be subtle colors. A chipped nail with a subtle color will be far less noticeable than a chipped nail with flaming red.

Clothing fit: Well tailored and properly fitted clothing can make all the difference in your appearance. The extra effort and marginal cost it takes to tailor can turn a bargain basement suit into a designer gem and will be well worth the effort.

Casual does not mean sloppy: Corporate casual or corporate catastrophe? The biggest mistake people make on dress-down Friday is assuming that anything goes. Business casual means a little less starch and a little more expressive. Corporate casual days are becoming less and less popular because of dress code abuse. If you are meeting with clients it is still wise to dress in professional attire.

Consider your position: While the entry level staff may be able to get away with a few relaxed rules (although the question is, will they ever get ahead?), managers should remember their role and responsibilities.

When in doubt leave it out: Trust your instincts. If a little voice in your brain asks, “are you sure?” return it to your closet and keep trying until you give yourself an unequivocal thumbs up.

Remember 93 percent of first impressions are based on appearance and non verbal communication. Of this 93 percent a full 38 percent of first impressions are based on body language. Poor posture, closed body language and blank facial expressions demonstrate a negative attitude. How many times have you come to the rescue of someone you know who is misunderstood? Shy people are often assumed to be arrogant, rude, and negative. Does this seem fair to make such assumptions in a short amount of time? Of course not. But remember, it only takes ten seconds to come to eleven assumptions about someone. We can’t always determine how people come to their perceptions. We will leave that up to the physiologists. However, experts have been able to narrow down certain expressions most people perceive as negative or positive.

It took most of my adult life to realize I had a facial expression that needed to be eliminated. In my family we call it the “sneer”. All of my siblings have this same expression. We have it while simply sitting and not thinking or talking. It’s an expression that looks as if we are angry about something. Thankfully, over the course of time, and enough people asking me if something was wrong, I realized I was portraying an expression that simply did not convey the way I was feeling. I’m a happy person, and I rarely feel upset. Why would I want to appear otherwise? I had to remind myself of this family trait and learn to smile when I was in thought or simply listening to someone talk. It’s not that I feel the need to be phony about my emotions. I simply learned that my body language was not accurately portraying how I really felt, and most importantly, how I wanted to be perceived. On a personal and professional level I want to look approachable.

Sometimes we have to examine ourselves to determine whether or not we are conveying the impression we want to give others. Think back if there is a pattern in how people perceive you. Has anyone ever communicated their first impression of you? Over the course of your career do you feel you have missed opportunities based on an expression or body language? Has anyone ever labeled you based on first impressions? I think we would all agree that it is unfair to come to such conclusions about people based on physical impressions. However, we all do it. Making yourself approachable is a form of proper etiquette. Etiquette is making people feel comfortable. This can be done by projecting confidence in your appearance and demeanor.

What we want to strive for is an impression that is part of our natural selves and our company image. Remember, you are your company, whether referring to an actual business corporation you represent or your personal life.

Mind Your Manners specializes in seminars and consulting services in business etiquette and international protocol. For more information, please contact Amy Palec at (262) 376-0515 or visit her web site www.amypalec.com.