Tip of the Month for December 2004
Gift Giving

My December tip comes early for you this month. Understanding proper etiquette and protocol can sometimes alleviate the anxieties that come with expectations and uncertainty. Keep in mind these are general tips. It’s wise to understand your company’s polices and protocol with regard to parties and gift giving.

The practice of sending business gifts has declined. Companies are increasingly sensitive to avoiding the appearance of “softening-up” clients, and tangible gifts are more suspect, giving rise to an attitude that might lead to “it’s okay if you can eat it, drink it, or do it.” Because gift policies vary widely from company to company, it is very important that you understand the protocol in your company and the protocol for your recipients before you set out on the internet or stores.

Typically, gifts are given by executives to mid-management level. If this includes you, it goes without saying you should abide by your company’s traditions. Make sure that your gifts do not come off as cheap or too expensive compared to your colleagues and that gifts to your recipients do no exceed the financial limits set by either your or the recipient’s company.

Personal versus professional is determined by how well you know the recipient. It’s best to take notes during your relationship with that individual to know their hobbies, interests, and family background. Avoid liquor unless you know the person well. Their company may frown on such a gift, so proceed with caution.

Food is always an appropriate gift; it can be shared with others. With a little thought, it can be packaged nicely and presented in such a way that makes the recipient feel appreciated and important. This goes for all gifts. Presentation goes a long way when selecting paper, packaging, and personal message that go with the gift. I often see only a business card enclosed with a gift. Take some time and thought with gift cards: a few words of appreciation, with a personal signature, go a long way. When possible present the gift personally. The warmth of your voice and expression of your face is a more powerful presentation than any fancy paper.

Special consideration should be given when giving gifts to your international counterpart. There are definite appropriate and inappropriate gifts to give. This even includes the color of wrapping paper. For example: In Japan avoid giving gifts in quantities of four and nine. The number four represents death, and number nine means to choke. So if you are giving a set of golf balls or a box of chocolates make sure to count the number in each box before you send it off. Also in Japan, gifts should be wrapped in business colors, with no bows. Understanding your international etiquette with respect to gift giving is very important; do not assume they have the same customs as our culture.

A popular gift in recent years is a contribution to a charity in the name of your recipient. If you decide to do this you may want to know ahead of time if your recipient is involved in an organization that can benefit from this gesture.

Some companies set a ceiling for the cost of gifts received. Often those policies require that a cost of more than $25.00 must be disclosed to management. Such policies allow management to see what’s coming in from outside and assure that everything stays aboveboard. Most companies allow employees to receive gifts, as sending gifts back is an insult. In the event your company does not allow gifts, it is appropriate and important to let that information be known. It’s embarrassing to have to return a gift and even more embarrassing to the giver.

If you are giving gifts to employees make sure it is done consistently. Gifts can show favoritism, so make sure you are spending the same dollar amount when giving gifts internally. I am asked if the value of a gift to a long-time assistant can exceed that of others. This is a sticky subject. However, the answer is yes. If you have an assistant who has been with you for many years and has helped you climb the ladder of success, this individual deserves a generous reward at holiday time. If two or more people share an assistant, they should agree to a collective gift and each contribute the same amount of money.

Gift giving in the office should be discouraged. Typically, the more popular employees have mounds of gifts on their desks while others who don’t have that many friends feel slighted and the morale weakens. Instead, holiday gifts are best sent to each person’s home or exchanged after work outside the office. Just because someone gives you a present does not mean you must give him or her one in return. A thank you note is appropriate, but do not feel the pressure to run out and reciprocate with a gift. And make sure the note is handwriting. I suggest you send the note within a week from the time you received the gift. Email thank you notes are out of the question.

Bonuses are given for performance and are earned. Even though they are typically given during the holiday season, they are not nor should they be considered a gift.

Holiday Entertaining

Some of these basic rules apply throughout the year.

Depending on who might be the host, it’s always a good idea to bring a hostess gift to the party. Make sure you attach a small note with your name so the host knows you brought the gift. It is not always important for the host to send a thank you note upon receiving a hostess gift, but some acknowledgement is always nice.

Do not bring a surprise guest. The host has most likely planned for a certain amount of guests and surprising them with an additional person is in poor form.

Mingle with all guests, not just the ones you know. There is nothing worse for a host than to scan the party and see clusters of people who are keeping to themselves. The host spent an enormous amount of time strategically bringing various groups of individuals together. It is a host’s wish that all guests mingle and get to know one another. It is a guest’s obligation to do so.

Never leave a party without saying good-bye to the host.

If you are on a tight schedule with several parties to attend in one night, do not over commit. At the very least, you must stay long enough to take your coat off, enjoy a beverage, and say hello to your host.

Office Parties

Be careful how much alcohol you consume. This is not a time to show off your more expressive personality. Although parties are meant to create an atmosphere of casualness to help people get in the mood for the Holidays this is not a time to act inappropriately. Laughing too loudly, talking too much, acting giddy, will be remembered and can hurt your reputation. Do not talk about office politics or bash clients. Keep your conversations upbeat and pleasant. Negative talk is out of the question at an office Holiday party.

Social mingling does not come naturally to everyone, and in a business setting it can be rather tricky when trying to reveal a softer, more humorous side of your personality.

Whenever you feel like submitting a joke into conversation, make sure it is at no one’s expense: ethnic, racial, religious, or gender-based humor is out of the question. Until you get to know others very well, it’s probably best to leave the canned jokes at home. Remember humor and jokes are not the same thing. The ability to make someone smile is a gift. The ability to make someone laugh is also a business tool. Always use your humor with care.

If an office party is held at a restaurant, the host stands by the door with their spouse (if spouses are included) and greets the staff and their guest as they arrive. If the party is at the office the host should circulate the room and make everyone feel welcome.

At an office party held outside the office, both men and women may change from work clothes into dress clothes. Because this is a business party, overly dressy or revealing clothing is in poor taste. My advice would be to err on the side of conservatism. If you are unsure of how to dress, ask a co-worker who has attended these off-site events in the past.

Once again, sending a thank you note is a must. The most impressive notes are generally sent within 24 hours. However, it is perfectly acceptable to send within a week of the event.

A reminder: Please do not confuse the “right” way of doing things with that which is heartfelt. The holidays can get carried away with such protocol and dollar amounts. Remember etiquette is about making people feel comfortable. Make all your gestures genuine this season. Heartfelt behavior is always appreciated and noticed.

Mind Your Manners specializes in seminars and consulting services in business etiquette and international protocol. For more information, please contact Amy Palec at (262) 376-0515 or visit her web site www.amypalec.com.
 

© 2004 Amy L. Palec