Tip of the Month for January 2005

mym

Tip of the Month for January 2005
After the Holidays

What to do with the gifts you love, and the gifts you don’t?

Several years ago, I was invited to preview a garage sale. My friend was kind enough to invite “only her good friends” to come to this pre-sale of all her discarded items.

Browsing around, I noticed a beautiful wood carving of a monkey. Much to my dismay it happened to be a gift I brought back from Mexico. Imagine the laugh we had when I stumbled upon this $5.00 item. I informed her she had quite a gem, because I only paid $3.00 for this beautiful piece. Of course, there were no hard feelings, and has become an inside joke for years. Little did I know that carved monkey would give us so much joy in our friendship.

That brings to mind the topic of re-gifting. Many sitcoms have centered a program about this subject. Apparently, if this is an often-repeated theme, then re-gifting is a part of many of our lives. What does etiquette say about such an act? Gerri Willis with CNNmoney says, “Good Etiquette doesn’t require you to keep anything, just that you are grateful when you receive it.”

Because you said the proper thank you, does that give you the license to unload it on to someone else? This can be extremely tricky if you have the same circle of friends; best proceed with caution. One can never be too careful when re-gifting. It takes a good measure of thought to make absolutely sure your giver never sees or hears of this gift being exchanged to another person. Stay away from the hype centered on this re-gift. You don’t want to draw a whole lot of attention to the matter, it might back fire when your receiver continues with your dialogue and begins to ask specific questions, such as... “Where did you get it?” Most importantly, if you receive a gift that looks like a re-gift, say nothing about it. Toss it in your closet “of unwanted gifts” for the next lucky recipient.

Thank you notes

I touched briefly on the subject of thank you notes in the December tip. I want to emphasize the importance of thank you notes.

The two most important characteristics of a thank you note are that it sounds sincere, and that it is written promptly. Use the same enthusiastic expressions you would if you were speaking. The ability to write a heartfelt note treasured by the recipient is a real and rare talent. This is a skill that can be honed. The note should not focus on you; rather, it should focus on the other person, imparting to them your recognition of their thoughtfulness and generosity.

We have all become much better typists than calligraphers; this does not mean you should type your notes. Handwritten notes are a must when writing a thank you note. I would much rather the recipient of my note struggle through my chicken scratch than the cold but precise face of a type-written note. However, I will concede it is tempting when I seldom can read my own handwriting. The same goes for the envelope. We are drawn to the handwritten envelopes in our mail pile, rather than the computer generated labels.

If you are thanking several people, make sure you mention all the names in your note. You need not mention all the names on the envelope.

A personal letter uses phrases you would say in your vocabulary, not artificial, formal language. Occasionally inserting the name of the person to whom you are thanking, gives your note some warmth and familiarity. Just as in conversation, people like to hear their name mentioned. Punctuation can add spice to your note. Underlining words or using exclamation points after a phrase can emphasize your thoughts. Although you should give some thought to your notes so they are personal and not a skeleton thank you note, you don’t want to hesitate too long on what to say and how to say it. Decide what you want to say and then write it as quickly as possible; that way, it seems as if you were truly talking.

Finally, brevity can often have greater impact and meaning than a long letter. I always have a problem with this one. I tend to carry on and on with too much filler. Of course those that know me understand this. I talk the same way.

And, on the topic of thanks, it is only appropriate at this time to extend my thanks to all of you.

Dear Tip Members,

Thank you for your continuing enthusiasm. I have enjoyed sharing my “etiquette knowledge” with you. It always adds excitement to my day when I receive an email showing interest in a tip or a service I provided. I appreciate the spirit in which you receive this information: as I have said a thousand times, “Etiquette need not be stuffy or rigid; it’s about making others feel good.” Your encouragement and interest have fed my passion for what I do.

I look forward to a new year of tips. I’m considering using a format of questions and answers. I would like to invite you to email me questions for future tips. The requests will be anonymous. I may or may not use Q and A for every month, but encourage you to send any questions you may have concerning business etiquette. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you again, for your support.

Best Regards,

Amy Palec

Mind Your Manners specializes in seminars and consulting services in business etiquette and international protocol. For more information, please contact Amy Palec at (262) 376-0515 or visit her web site www.amypalec.com.