In one of my previous tips I talked about first impressions and business dress. Of course, appearance matters in how others perceive you, but how you react to others and present yourself matters even more.

How we are perceived by others may not match how we think of our­selves. If you know you are making the impression you desire, you have the peace of mind that you have presented an accurate picture of yourself to others. If you are accepted or rejected, it will be because of your real qualities, not because you were misrepresenting who you are.

Throughout this tip, I list examples of behavior and how they are per­ceived by others. It will be up to you to determine which of these you do well and which ones need improvement.

Strangers may take in a lot of information prior to even speaking with you. When at a meeting or a social event, others are watching and making as­sumptions about you based on your behavior. In an initial meeting the other person will come up with at least eleven assumptions about you.

There are several ways you can determine whether or not you are sending the correct signals.

Now that the introductions have been made and you have set the tone, what’s next? The art of conversation and asking questions. Often times we are so excited about a conversation we may forget to ask others about themselves. This may happen even when we are truly interested in them.

You may want to ask yourself these questions:

§              Do I end interactions knowing as much about the other person as they know about me?

§              Do I let other take the lead or introduce topics?

§              Do I ever notice myself interrupting other responses with another question?

§              Do I ask open-ended questions that solicit the other person’s thoughts, feelings or interests?

This goes hand in hand with being a good listener. What you do after you ask a question can reveal even more about you than the question you asked. One of my pet peeves is when I’m speaking to someone and they are looking over my shoulder as others enter the room. Are you fully present and genuinely listening to someone’s words? If you are not listening, others may feel unappreciated and question your sincerity.

Even if people never say a word, you will notice how they respond to you by their physical behavior.

Positive Listening Behaviors

The Art of Conversation

Researchers have identified two key elements of a successful conversa­tional style. One element is being proactive and thinking about a goal for the interaction. Your goal may be that you want that person to feel impor­tant. So you would talk about that person’s interests. The second element is being reactive. Skilled conversationalists are sensitive to the situation and others. They adapt themselves to the conversation. If you are speaking with someone who is shy you may start by talking about yourself and begin blending common interests into the conversation.

Everyday life can provide enough material to talk about. Of course, be careful to not jump from topic to topic. Keeping yourself up to speed with current events will help you in situations where the conversation needs some assistance. Also remember a variety of topics will spice up your first impression.

Oscar Wilde once said: “Conversation should touch on everything, but should concentrate itself on nothing.”

You can show more of yourself and learn more about others if you discuss a few topics rather than focusing on just one.

Positive Topic Behaviors

We all make bad first impressions from time to time; it’s part of being human. Sometimes it’s just a bad fit - not everyone is going to like you. But if you want to make a good first impression, you can begin to work on some negative behavior.

Whether or not you want to improve your first impressions will depend on specific situations, and how important it is to make the connections. There is no guarantee you will be able to overcome all bad impressions. Some­times you won’t have a chance to meet that person again, and some people are just unforgiving. You can learn from your experience and avoid making the same mistakes again.